Motivation guide [consistency checklist inside]

Today, I am the master of my motivation but for years that was not the case. What I have learned so far is that persistence is a skill but there is no universal method of learning it. 

Losing weight, learning a new language, starting a side hustle or keep going at your 9 to 5 – regardless of the goal, you can relax because it is ok if the common tips and tricks to get motivated are leading you nowhere. The art of staying on track is as sophisticated as yourself so the focus should be on what works best for you. 

Now, what is the fastest way of finding out what that is? Here are a few ideas that I tested on myself. 

In Motivation Art Leads the Way 

When I was at my worst and struggling with making plans and sticking to them, I looked for inspiration within art. Artists always seemed like the most motivated people on earth to me: driven by passion, uncompromisingly devoted to their mission, lost in creation, burned up but never burned out. They also tend to be perceived as egoists, who follow their dreams at all costs. 

This kind of stubbornness applies in a moderate degree to any situation where motivation is involved. No artist would ever agree to change their medium if someone would tell them to. A photographer wouldn’t start painting just because someone demanded that. No sculptor would suddenly start composing music if they didn’t feel that their art depends on this kind of challenge. 

What I’m getting at here is that the first question to consider if things are not progressing is: am I really convinced to do this? And also: what is uncomfortable about pursuing my goal? Because the goal is to serve you, not the other way around.  

Negative self talk and dopamine

When the plan stops working you change the plan – not the goal. The secret is to learn how to listen to your mind and body when the traction occurs. 

From my experience, 9 out of 10 times when I was giving up, it was because of my unsupportive self-talk fueled by the fear of rejection or failure. I was self sabotaging when I was seeing first obstacles or lack of immediate progress. The real change came with the understanding of dopamine – the hormone of pursuit. No one speaks about it better and simpler than Adrew Huberman on his podcast. There are various episodes of his show dedicated to goal setting and willpower. If you’re new to his content – I’d listen with a notepad nearby. 

Applying his tools and protocols soothed my nervous system into a more stable state. I also learned to listen to my body and not push too hard if I was getting tired or demotivated. Understanding that disappointment has chemical consequences in your body that can be managed – is a game changer. Learning about how dopamine works alternates the way you see the process of getting from A to B. That puts you in a sweet spot between compassion (towards your efforts) and logic (of your own biology). From there – there is no other way than forward. 

How to exercise willpower?  

Excuses are almost as addictive as pralines. What I found most helpful during my numerous excuse comas, was reconnecting with the end results of the efforts. One of the easiest ways to get a clear picture of them, is to ask yourself: “what would I do if I could do anything? If money, time and energy were not an issue?”. Putting things into this kind of perspective is refreshing: the steps you need to take towards the thing you want are easier to identify. This “trick” also helps to spot hidden unsupportive scripts. 

Beliefs and how to rewrite them 

Let’s talk a bit more about those scripts. Your beliefs can work as speed bumps making you quit or postpone the changes. There is no detour around them. Unless you want to get really stressed trying to push through them and waste the energy you should be putting into your goal, the only way to get rid of them is to rewrite them. Here are a few examples of how to do that. 

Creating a step by step plan for success 

Starting new things and getting somewhere you haven’t gone before is scary and discouraging if the reward for the efforts is not instant. I was able to manage those emotions by creating very detailed plans for a given step towards the goal and imagining how I will feel while performing them. 

I remember this worked especially well when I was trying to teach myself to wake up at 5 am. It was a huge challenge due to the lifetime of having trouble waking up earlier than 9am. I struggled with feeling tired even after a decent amount of sleep because of my thyroid inflammation. Regardless, I was convinced this extra time in the morning is something I need to get better. 

So, what was I doing to start waking up at 5am instead of 9am? I was mentally preparing for it the night before. My chain of thoughts went something like this: 

“I hear the alarm, I reach for the phone, I see it shows 5am, “stop” and a snooze button; I am tempted to hit the snooze but I decide not to; I’m proud of myself; the apartment feels peaceful and quiet so early in the morning; I get out of bed; I smile to myself and get some water from the kitchen; then I start 15 minutes of yoga; I’m energized and refreshed even if my body is little at pain”. 

Paring logical steps with emotions creates strong connections that over time start to operate on autopilot. It took me about 3 weeks for the 5am waking up to become a standard and now, 3 years later, I wake up without the alarm. 

Measuring efforts before measuring effects  

When I think about life I see a simple road stretched away to the horizon. Its curves softly embracing the landscape it runs through. It is my decision to keep going or take a break. When I’m pausing I don’t feel like wasting time because there is so much to my surroundings to enjoy. I dictate the tempo of my trip, I’m alone but not lonely. 

As far as I remember that was always my perception. The problem was I didn’t have the tools and habits to put this philosophy into action. Shame of not being in control only made things worse. It took me a lot of time to finally believe that efforts trump effects. 

Of course I still get impatient when things are not progressing as fast as I want them to. The slogan: “trust the process” gives me a headache. It’s hard to trust something you know very little about. Lately, I decided to rephrase it to: “love the process”. I can love something I don’t fully understand. Loving reduces the cravings for immediate result. 

“When you have love you only need one more thing: timing. And timing is a bitch” 

I had English at school for 7 years, but I didn’t learn anything besides very basic communication. Everything I have learned was because of the private lessons I took when I was 24 – 6 years after finishing highschool. It was my decision, no one encouraged me. 

Could I learn more at school? Sure, my classmates were making progress and I kept feeling like a total linguistic failure. Was it a waste of time not to study back then? Perhaps. But I didn’t see a point of learning, there was no real-life gain for me. I liked speaking the language but the sake of having good grades wasn’t appealing enough. 

Years later I arrived at a point where English became useful to help me keep evolving as a writer – I wanted to read classics in the original, so I found a way to do that. Plus, the push of confidence I got from making a plan and sticking to it, kept me going until I arrived at where I am now: an expat living in the US, writing this post, 12 years later. 

It is not ridiculous to consider that your lack of progress is due to the bad timing. Or perhaps there is an angle to your goal that you still haven’t discovered yet. Stay curious. 

In the meantime, I prepared a checklist (jpg & PDF) that will help you stay compassionate in the first days and weeks of forming new habits.

Good luck!